Now 4 1/2 years later I am discovering how little I knew.
Having given birth to 3 kids in just under 3 years took quite the toll on my body. After having my last I decided I was going to compete in a sprint triathlon. This may not seem too big a thing for some, but being as I could barely run a mile, it was a HUGE thing!!
Training began as a horrible pain! I dreaded going on runs, riding the bike, or swimming laps. More times than I can name I thought about doing less than I planned on doing cause I was tired. One day while I was running a million and a half laps around my apartment complex at 9:30pm after I had finally gotten the kids to sleep the thought of what I was really accomplishing sunk into my head. I was not running these laps to prove anything to anyone but myself. I needed to do this to prove I could do something that at first seemed impossible. I needed to do this to show myself that I could get in shape and keep up with my children.
And I COULD do this. That I believe was the biggest thing that spoke to me that day. I was capable of more than I thought I was. It may hurt and I may not like it, but I can do it! What a freeing thought that was! I am stronger than I thought I was... I am better than I think I am!
Between swimming, biking, and running I have had a lot of time to spend with just me and my thoughts. Sometimes that is a frightening thing. There is that quote about your real character showing when you respond to things when no one is around to see. I have learned alot about my true character during this time spent with myself. Some things I like.... some I have had a real reality check on.
One thing that has really come to stick with me is to work on not judging or assuming things about people. I thought one day about the many places I have been in my development as a person and how far I have to come. I thought about the many people who have helped me to become a better person than I was or to overcome the challenges I was dealing with. Some of these people understood where I was because they had been there. I wonder where I would be now if instead of helping me and being understanding, they would have judged and thought about how I was so dumb for responding to my challenges the way I did, or given up on me because I took much longer than they did to figure something out.
I have come to a real understanding of the fact that we are all at different points in our life. We are all figuring things out as we go along. Many of us make mistakes along the way... in fact all of us do. Isn't that what this life is about. Coming here to earth to figure things out and inevitably make mistakes along the way. That's what the joy of our Saviors Atonement is about. So who am I to comment on why people are having a hard time with the things they are. Something that may not be hard for me may be a faith rocking experience for someone else. Things that may not stress me out, may cause unbearable amounts of stress for others. Likewise many of the things I struggle with may not be difficult for others. We all have to figure things out as we go along and we all take different amounts of time doing so. This has really been speaking to me as of late and I am still so far from perfect in my putting this into action in my life, but I have really been trying.
I used to think that strength was just something that related to muscles. Through my training I have discovered how much strength I have gained in this experience. Not only in my muscles through my physical training, but also mental and spiritual strength. How grateful I am for this experience I have had to grow and learn.
As I look back to my thoughts early on in my marriage, how I had it all figured out, I can't help but laugh a little. I think I now realize that I will never have it all figured out. That's kind of the joy in it all though isn't it?
