Grasping for my phone on my night stand I feel slightly frustrated when I read the 4:42 am that staring back at me. I knew I shouldn’t have had that last glass of water before bed. As I crawl back into my warm bed after my trip down the hall to the bathroom my mind wanders to how excited I am to be moving to a place where I will have a bathroom attached to my room. It’s all over from there. You know those people who are addicted to running; who love it, even crave it? Everyone knows one. You know… the kind of person who takes a step out the door and yearns to be running. This is my mind. Once it’s has its first thought, or had its first step, it has to run.
Moving is always an interesting thing for me. I spend a lot of time pondering any number of things: How I should set up my new place, what will the people be like in my new neighborhood, what color should I paint the walls, what will it be like not being able to just run my air and heat to my desired temperature since I will actually have to pay for it. Most of my time is spent pondering people however. I think of all the people who had an impact on me while living here.
Nearly 4 years ago I moved into what is known around these parts as The Village. I had heard a handful of things about it before moving here, mostly positive. Everyone I knew who had lived here had enjoyed their time. I was still skeptical. Now 4 of some of the most trying years later, I feel like I have had an overall positive experience at the village as well.
During my time here I lived the life of a married single mom. KC had work all day Monday-Friday and was gone Monday-Thursday following work to school until around 10pm. For 1 year of that I worked taking care of another little girl. Following that year I began working nights at the hospital 3 nights a week. After just about 2 years I was able to get down to 1 night a week. In addition to KC’s work and school he was called to a leadership position in our church which required him to attend weekly meetings as well as be gone a good handful of Sunday. I had 3 children by the end of this… the oldest of whom was not even 3 years old when the baby was born. I have had a very tiring bunch of years here.
Being so close to neighbors who are constantly moving in and out you get to know a lot of people. Not all relationships have been incredible, though I am sure you experience that everywhere. I have had countless days of loneliness, feeling left out of forgotten. We have a family who has lived by us who we are fairly certain has invited everyone around us to eat with them, yet we have never received an invite. While certainly not offended, it takes a lot to offend me, I still can’t help but wonder why. That’s a hardship of living so close to everyone, you get to see what everyone is doing and I think even the best of the women here feel left out or lonely from time to time.
Despite these feelings, living in the tight knit community that I have spent the last 4 years in, I am amazed at all the positive I have learned and taken away from the people I have come into contact with. Many of whom I may not have known very well. That’s one thing about living here, new people are constantly coming and going. You have so many people who touch your lives during such a short amount of time.
As I ponder on these relationships and think of all the people who have blessed my life here I can’t help but wonder what sort of a memory I will be leaving. I often contemplate what it would be like to have a Tom Sawyer experience and attend your own funeral. What would people say about you? I have wondered this a lot as I have been thinking about leaving my home for the past 4 years. When people think back on living next to me will the memory associated be a positive or a negative one? Or will it even be one that they remember? Will I just be the one who lived in so and so’s apartment before them? I am sure to some I will.
It’s a weird feeling to be leaving the life you know to go to something uncertain. I love and hate it. I am so excited to embark on my new journey. I feel the older I get the more I am ok with just being a bit of a hermit, which makes moving and being pushed out of that comfort zone a little more difficult. Yet it is so exciting too. It is always fun to start off with a completely clean slate.
As I prepare to begin my new journey I am sure will spend countless hours pondering over the house, new friends, and new adventures, that’s just who I am. I hope however I can take the things I have learned from those friendships and adventures I have had here and learn from them and be a better person. I hope that in my ramblings years down the road when I am preparing for the next adventure I can do so as a better person, leaving only happy (or at least mainly happy) memories with those people I am leaving.
