We Believe

For years now I have struggled with finding balance in my life.  This is true in many different facets the life I lead: When is me time selfish and when it is important, when am I over scheduling my life and my kids life vs. adding new and exciting things, the list goes on and on.

Christmas is a time when my efforts for finding a balance seems to something I think of and ponder on more than ever.  There are so many things I want to do and see, yet I don't want to make our already hectic lives anymore crazy than needed.  Even more so is the challenge of finding a balance in this world of me and the true meaning of Christmas.  

The past few years I have had many friends who have come to the conclusion that they aren't going to have Santa in their homes.  For whatever reason their beliefs lead them to make this decision and I respect that for them and their families this is what they believe to be the right thing.  After several years I have come to a conclusion of what I believe in.

I believe in Santa.  I believe in the magic he brings to my home this time of year.  I believe in the smiles he brings to my children's faces.  I believe in the spirit of kindness and giving that he reminds us of.

I believe in the Elves who help all year to serve and help others and find joy in that.  I believe in making cookies, gingerbread houses and men, fudge, etc and the time I spend with my family doing so.  I believe in reindeer who help lead the way when it is dark.  

I believe in my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I believe He was born to this Earth all those those years ago in such humble of circumstances.  I believe He lead a perfect life and died for me.  I believe in the Wise men who had such great faith to follow that star to bring gifts to their King.  I believe in the Shepherds who listened to the angel and seeked after their Savior.  

I believe that it is possible to find a balance this time of year.  (I also believe I will probably die before I completely accomplish it.)  I believe that it is possible to have our Savior be the focus of our lives this time of year even if we are out seeing lights or watching a show about a Reindeer with a red nose (we did a really fun Family Home Evening activity on this one).  

(I also believe in letting others believe as they wish, and pray that they do the same!)  

Always running behind...

A few weeks ago I participated in an all women sprint triathlon.  This was my second year participating in this particulagr race.  I really, really enjoy being a part of this event.  I love the feeling that comes with accomplishing something surrounded by a group of amazing women who have all gone through similar, yet amazingly different struggles, yet have come out on top.

(Pre race)

I finished in just about the same time as I did last year.  I was a little bummed about that, but still felt ok about it all.

(Finish Line)

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) KC got there just after I had crossed the line so I didn't get any pictures of me during the race. 

I had a few thoughts that circled in my mind throughout the race.

*In the 5 1/2 years KC and I have been married I have been pregnant or with a new born baby for basically 3 of those years.  I have been able to do this race 2 times.  I feel a good sense of accomplishment for that.

*I can't wait to see my cute husband and kids at the end of this race.  During a race you pass so many amazing family and friends who are there cheering on their loved ones, but also cheer for you.  That always makes me a little nostalgic and so excited to see them.

*Towards the end I began to think about how one of the only things that kept me running was the fact that I had to use the bathroom SO BAD that I knew I had to keep running cause if I didn't get to the finish line quick I was going to have an accident.

*Another one of the participants was wearing a shirt that said:

2 Slow

2 Win

2 Dumb

2 Care

This made me laugh.  It made me think of the high school.

I was on the track team in high school.  For those of you who met me post high school this is probably pretty funny to you.  Actually those of you who knew me in high school also probably found this pretty funny!  I was/am NOT a good runner.

I got into track because of soccer. I moved the beginning of my sophmore year.  Knowing that we were moving and that I wanted to try out for the soccer team at my new school I started doing conditioning with my new school.  (GO WILDCATS!)  The soccer team at that time was doing conditioning with the track team over the summer so I began running with them.  Once school started I signed up for soccer conditioning, which just so happened to be combined with track conditioning.

I wasn't going to do track.  I am really bad at running.  Like, I'm not fast and I can't run long distances well.  Yet when the spring came a combination of a crush, the most amazing coach ever, and an amazing group of people won me over and I signed up to run track.

I have some amazing memories of that first year of track.  

*As I said I am not fast so I ran a lot of different races in order to find the one I could run the best.  

*The first time I tried to run the mile I wet my pants.  That's right, I literally wet my pants, well shorts.  I finished the race and hid under the bleachers until my mom came and found me and brought me new ones.  I was mortified.  

*I also tried pole vaulting that year.  I didn't do well, but I loved trying.   Plus that is where I started dating someone who is still a dear friend and one of the sweetest people I know.  

*Our long runs may have taken us past a delicious bakery.  I may or may not have slipped into the bakery on an occasion or two, gotten myself a cookie, and waited til I saw some of the last runners come by and then headed back.  Opps!

*I met some of the sweetest friends.  We made up weird nick names and grew really close.

I seriously loved track!  I really didn't like running, yet I seriously LOVED track!

I have been trying to run more as of late.  In part because I love eating.  Like I literally am in love with eating.  Unfortunately my metabolism doesn't love my eating as much as it used to.  In fact, this is something I wonder about daily: should I have taught myself to not eat so much and to eat better earlier in life, or should I more fully taken advantage of that great metabolism I used to have and eaten non-stop?  

 I digress.  

So anyway, I love to eat so in turn I decided I really need to work off a bit of that food, so I have started to run more.  Also, rumor has it it's good for you.

I think often of my track time during that.  I will always be 2 slow 2 win.  Yet that's ok.  I have started to enjoy my run.  Do I love to run.  Oh heavens no.  I do however love how I feel when I am done.  I love that I get that time to myself to think and to better myself and my health.  I am nicer to my husband and kids, I am better to myself.  I enjoy that feeling. 

Each day on my run I think about my old track coach.  My fastest mile in high school was around 6 1/2 minutes.  That is by no means going to win you a race in high school track.  Yet when I finished that race my coach greeted me with the biggest smile and gave me such a giant congrats.  I felt like I had won that day.  She made me feel like that often.  I still feel inspired by her 10 years later.

So though I will never be the fastest runner, or a runner of the longest distance, or the most graceful runner (do I do anything graceful?) I will continue to run.  I look forward to those times with my head phones in listening to everything from Nelly to Whitney Houston.  Nothing is better than good music, good thoughts, and a good workout.  

And nothing is better than ending your workout each day with a little Hansen.  Cause let's be honest, even if it was an awful workout before hand, if it is ended with a little Mmm Bop it's a great run!!

I need to get back to Tempe

My dear friends Nate and Julie had a baby months ago! They live in Arizona. I had planned to go down for the baby blessing, but do to a change in our family vacation I was not able to go. I was SO excited to plan this trip with some of my closest friends from college.

We left Thursday early evening and drove to Vegas where we spent the night and left early the next morning for Phoenix. It was so fun to see Nate, Julie and sweet baby Cal! Friday was spent catching up and playing some Xbox kinect. Nate and Julie also treated us to a great BBQ. It was amazing to sleep the entire night! I had no kids of my own with me and I didn't hear Cal at all! What a good baby he is!

Saturday we spent the morning eating Julie's AMAZING breakfast and hanging out before heading out for some shopping, dinner and stopping at the ever amazing Tempe Town Lake.

Michael and Al at dinner.

Al and Ash at Tempe Town Lake. The first place we went was so NOT impressive. When we went to the other side it was much more attractive. Too bad it was SO COLD!!

Isn't he the sweetest!?! Ash with Cal right before he had a BLOWOUT!! Way to welcome Ashley to parenthood Cal!

Sunday we went to church (experienced one of the weirdest sacrament meeting talk moments also) and then headed back to Nate and Julies to pack and bid them farewell.

From there we took off and headed to the Grand Canyon where we camped for the night. BRRRRR!!!!

Sunday was Michaels birthday also. We stopped on our way to the Grand Canyon and ate at Salsa Brava on Route 66. Pretty good food!

For some reason I just imagined the Grand Canyon to be very warm. This was NOT the case! There was snow on the ground where we camped. I perhaps slept about 3 hours that night. It was so freezing and my back was not agreeing with a thin camping pad.

The Grand Canyon sure was GRAND.

The watch tower.

It's amazing to think that tiny river was the cause of all of this!

Sweet Al, my date for the trip!

This trip was SO needed for me. I adored being Becky for a weekend! I read like I haven't read in years. I relaxed and didn't worry about anything. It was so much fun to laugh and talk about lots of great college memories. I loved listening to the Format in the car and feeling like we were back in time 7 years.

I feel so grateful to have the friends I do. They make me laugh. We are all very different people, yet it just works. They accept me for who I am. I am so grateful for the people they married and how well they fit into everything.

Thank you Nate and Julie for housing us and letting us take up one of your weekends. Thank you for letting me hold your sweet little guy! Thank you for being you and for being so sweet (Julie) and for being so Nate (Nate).

And it was so exciting to come back to these sweet faces! I sure do LOVE these kids! They make me SO happy!!

I am so lucky to have the family I do. My parents, KC's mom, and my sister all helped out and watched my kids!

Thanks so much to the sweetest, SWEETEST husband EVER! He stepped it up and went above and beyond to make this trip possible for me. I sure do LOVE that man!!!

LOVE is all you need...

... though a little sleep once in a while doesn't hurt either!

Exhaustion!

Sickness has been abundant in the Madill household the past several weeks. We have each been taking turns passing it around and around. I was beyond excited for a weekend of getting a little sleep to catch up for my lack of sleep due to helping the babes during the nights of throwing up or crying from upset tummy's. However reality is much different from the fantasy's I often dream of and the hubby caught the sickness this weekend. While he spent the weekend sleeping off his illness I spent it getting less sleep than even before.

Have you ever experienced that exhaustion where you can literally feel your body shutting down from the inside out? Even eating was hard due to the fact that my body didn't seem to want to use any energy it didn't absolutely have to.

Tired is not my best personality. Coupled with hunger it's even worse! I have been short of temper and quick to snap at my children. Poor kids of mine!

I read an article this week in short explaining the less than glorifying parts of motherhood. Someday's I focus more than I should on those difficult parts. I get frustrated with my lack of sleep. I long for a trip to the bathroom without a kid breaking in or at least trying to break in. Some days I would possibly do most anything to get a whole nights sleep uninterrupted. I miss those days when I got to eat my food when it was still hot, when I could just 'run' into a store to grab some milk, when 'get your finger out of your nose' was not a part of my daily vocabulary.

In short, I get selfish.

While I can get snippy and grumpy on those days of sheer selfishness I still do my best to try to follow the rule of saying at least 10 positive things for every 1 negative thing I say to those kids of mine. I want my kids to know that I think highly of them, that I love them. Trying to keep to the 10 to 1 rule is one of the ways I try to help them know of that love. I believe that when you are doing everything else wrong, if you love your kids, that's really the most important thing. I believe at the end of the day if I have done nothing else but make those kids feel of my love, it's been an ok day.

So though I am exhausted and grumpy I am going to go kiss my kids goodnight, tell them I love them, and tuck them into bed.

(And in 4 hours when they wake up screaming and yelling or wandering into my bedroom I will do my best to say nothing... cause in the middle of the night, saying nothing is just about as positive as I get!)